This Is Not Happening

Is he really leaving me for another girl?


My mind is so blank right now.

Benched 60 Pounds

You shouldn't love someone who makes you unhappy.

You shouldn't stay with someone who cheats on you.

Yet so many people do. How strange.

My PE final is one rep maxium for bench and squat. I thought mine was going to be 55 pounds for both, but my teacher pulled a fast one on me today when he wrote 60 on my paper.

I started freaking out, I could bench 55 once or twice. Never had I even attempted 60. Mostly I just warm up with 35 pounds and then bench 45 pounds. Sometimes I'll do 50. Why? Because I'm not focused on building muscle and I'm not training for a sport. 45 pounds feels like it's giving me a workout so I stick with it. After these years of learning how to exercise I've learned that it's important to listen to your body.

Squats, I wasn't worried about it. As a ballet dancer, I find any position where I purposely stick my rear out to be against my training. From day one of dance I've learned to hold my stomach in and my tailbone down. Therefore, squatting is very awkard for me. However, I have strong legs and I'm not worried about the weight at all. I'm pretty sure I could squat 90 pounds if I had too.

My first few attempts at the bench press didn't go well. My spotters had to help me. I felt defeated and depressed. All around me I watched guys struggle...and fail. I hate failure. I could never push myself to the degree those guys do. It's hard for me to even imagine.

After watching my friend stuggle and eventually suceed to press 200 pounds I found the motivation to try again. I decided to have my teacher watch, in the rare chance that I was sucessful. Well, I did it! I am so proud of myself. I, Emily, can bench 60 pounds. It's hard as fuck, but wow, what an acomplishment! I feel like I've come along way since the first time I tried to bench press.

Stop Trashing My Car!

I may have a messy room but I keep my car clean. However, by the end of nearly every weekend, my car gets completely trashed by my friends.

Often by Monday morning I can't see the floor in my backseat because it is so full of trash. My friends try to burn and cut holes in the seats, leave finger prints on the windows, lick the windows, spill alcohol (which is against my rules-no alocohol in my car unless it's in a closed bottle in the trunk) beg me to let them smoke inside (also against the rules), kick the mats away and track mud, dirt and pollen onto the floors, spill soda and coffee on the seats, scratch the outside of the car, spill food and mouse/rat food on the floor and so on and so forth.

If I had a dime for everytime some uninsured, unlicensed kid asked to drive I'd be rich.

They show up with more people then I have seats.

Random people I don't even know ask for rides.

Control my radio.

Force me to waste most of my very limited gas.

It's starting to really piss me off. The other day they wanted to literally have a drug deal in my car. Are you fucking kidding me? No, no, no!

What is so hard about respecting other people's property? I have always kept my car super neat with the exception of an old napkin here and a textbook there. I take the time to wash it when it's dirty, vacum and scrub out any stains.

I have never trashed anyone's car before. not now not ever so stop trashing mine!

Inspired

The weather is starting to look like summer! Wow. It's been awhile since I've seen the sun. Maybe we can go to the river this weekend! That would be fun.

So You Think You Can Dance is so inspiring. I really wish I could train in jazz and contemporary but I realize that improving in ballet is what I should focus on right now. The more ballet training I have the easier everything else gets. lol Plus I still have a long way to go before becoming a decent advanced ballet dancer.

Step One: actually show up to class. (avoid sweaty mall parking lots) lol

I'm pretty excited for Open House, but I have no idea what Jacquie is planning for me. Apparently I'm not doing the choregraphy we've studied so far. Hmmm...

Guess What

Guess what?


The new Star Trek movie is pretty good.

Guess what else?

He makes me so incredibly happy I can't even describe it. at all.

Is It Graduation Time Yet?

I thought this was interesting:

Beliefs lead to emotions that drive behavior.


Meaning, if you want to change your behavior, start by changing your beliefs.



I cannot wait for summer.

Okay Weekend

I wanted this weekend to be a celebration...but it wasn't the best. There were some fun parts, some sneaky parts but all and all, not the greatest.

I need to work on becoming more extroverted, meaning I need to spend more time with more friends. I have lots of friends I never see outside of school so that is a starting place.

But speaking of friends, guess who was in town this weekend? Lauren! I was so excited to see her!

Pass SSE Means I Can Graduate

I exceeded for my exhibition.


Happy beyond all words.


Got my cap and gown today too. Mom paid for grad party. faxed college app to Mt. Hood. I'm offically going to go there in the fall now.

I'm growing up, aren't I? It's hard to believe how close I am to graduation!

Exhibition Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my exhibition!

It's do or die.

Pass please?

My books are here. Hopefully everything will work out.

(triple dotting makes me happy.)

The Nerve Wracking Practice Presentation Is Completed

Tuesdays are weird days for me. It's the one day where I don't have to do anything or be anywhere, but it feels weird to be at home all day during the week.

My room smelled funny earlier. I don't know if it was because of th plate of leftover lasanga that sat over night or if the air was just stale but I decided I could not stand it any longer. Now I'm in the middle of cleaning it so I can get more work done on my SSE.

My practice presentation went well this morning, though I was extremly nervous and not everything I said made coherent sense. I'm getting close to being done, but I still have lots of paperwork yet to finish. My exhibitition is set for Thursday at 12:20.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how good my life is. Compared with last year, these past two months have been pure bliss. But there are still those little dark reminders of the past.

...another letter.

filled with lies? filled with hate.

another attack...

not against me. against my dad. everyone except for us kids are against dad.

Sure, my mom pretends to be on his side, his best friend. bullshit.

I'll try not to let it get me down. I try to avoid all religious instutions. They are places of hate, not of love. Inside, there is no place for me. I can still believe in a God...but it's harder after each incident.

Mothers Day After Prom

Crossing my fingers but I think I have everything with my community consultent worked out.

Happy Mother's Day.

Day after prom though? That's sucks. Had my hair colored black to go with my dress. Had hair done at beauty school. Dance with girls. Dessert (and some real dessert afterwards...) with Alex. Made it to bed at 5 this morning. Slept most of this afternoon.

To do list before Thursday exhibition (Oh my God!!!!)

• resume on CC
• CC fax evaluations, consent form
• fill out calender
• correct and print copies of abstract
• research
• CIS print
• college app print
• resume
• print book
• 'have shipping info as evidence that ordered hard copy
• signed parent notification
• learning agreement
• document hours
• journals 9-12
• anything and everything else

Dance tomorrow but it's okay. We are starting to work on recital. I miss Cinderella though...this is better because I'm actually working on technique which will pay off in the end.

It's Getting Really Close To Crunch Time...

Abstract


Name: Emily Ketchum

Advisor: Carrie Jo Vincent

Focused Program of Study: Arts and Communication

Topic: Fiction Writing

Essential Question: What is the process for writing and publishing a fictional young adult novel?

Reason for Selecting Topic:
I would like to write and publish a novel later on in my life. Young adult is currently my favorite genre to read so it made sense to pick that genre of literature to write in. Since I was a little girl with too much time on her hands, writing has been my passion and I would like to turn that passion into a writing career.

What I Did:
I wrote a 34,000 word book in 90 hours over the course of three months. The amount of pages depends on the size of paper: on letter sized paper it is equal to 61 pages, on A5 sized paper it is 144 pages. Throughout this process, I researched the steps a writer could take to try and become published. My community consultant assisted me by reading the first few chapters and by giving me feedback on some ways I could improve. She also explained some parts of the publishing process. We communicated over email.

Product:
I wrote a short book through the first person perspective which told the story of a struggling teenage girl. In my story I explored themes of emotional dependency, love, teenage pregnancy and eventually independence.

Community Consultant:
Christa Deitrick, Librarian
Los Angeles Public Library

SSE Makes Me Tired

Senior Seminar Experince is not easy. It is a lot of work!

I wrote a 144 page book called When I Wake Up. I'm very proud of it though it still technically needs a lot more editing then it had the opportunity to recieve. Oh well.

I have papers galore to finish filling in and writing. Paper, paper, paper.

It's time to make my Power Point. Not tonight...I'm too tired. I worked for 8 hours on my book yesterday and for a grand total of thirty minutes today. Nice huh?

Need to hurry up with my Abstract. evaluations, journals and powerpoint. Research? That's all yet to come.


I bought a prom dress today. and a ticket. no date. How sad. (and I have a boyfriend so that's saying something. girls night out? It's going to be boring but I'll try to pretend to have fun. It is prom after all. Dad is practically making me go.)