It's Not So Easy

I often wonder why life isn't easy. If it's not one thing, it's another. That's the way it always goes. I'm still in California. I was supposed to leave a long time ago.

I'm not going to school full time this season. I'm taking pre-calculus and sociology which ends up at being just a little over half time. My classes are on my laptop and I work on my schoolwork after the baby falls asleep at night. She doesn't allow me to do anything constructive during the day. Anything other than love her to death and layer her in kisses, all while swinging back and forth, and back and forth on the patio swing.

It's not an easy adjustment from being an active teen to a mother. The impulsive lifestyle doesn't work with nap times and feedings and that's not a good environment for a baby anyhow. I handle it well mostly, but I do suffer from loneliness. Almost all of my friends live 1000 miles away. Even when my parents try to coax me out of the house, I feel as if I have no one to share the nightlife with. Honestly just a buddy to go to the park with in the daytime would be nice.

It's also hard taking care of the baby, minus the dad. I've seen him a total of 5 weeks in the last 6 months. I could leave here and join him, but like I said, life just isn't that easy. There's a million and three reasons why I can't do that. He doesn't understand though. We've literally spent half of our nearly year and a half long relationship a part. That's not exactly easy. Those relationships rarely end well.

But that is life. I love my baby, I enjoy taking care of her. I just wish I had more companionship and a different set of circumstances. Hopefully I will ace my 2 classes this term.