Not Fair

Happy Groundhog Day

I feel so out of control right now. I feel like I'm balancing on a egg and if I slip and fall or place my weight wrong my whole life will shatter.

I am in disbelief. I'm not angry or judgmental. I am hurt by reactions and what is to come. I wish I didn't know. Knowledge is lethal. Innocense is bliss. All the pieces were right under my nose. I should have known. In a way I guess I did but I refused to believe it. It couldn't be true. I still don't see how it is true.

I need him to feel better. Just a instant brings a real smile to my face. To know for that split second I was on his mind. I need that. It's so silly. Why am I such an idiot? Why can't I handle my life?

I'm so scared. I should know better than to become comfortble in my life but I don't know if I can bear to lose it. Scandal does not treat me well.

I do not like leaving my future into the hands of the insane. Shit. I'm screwed big time. Everything has been set in motion. It's a race now. Time will tell who will come out on top.