S.O.S.

I was trying to be optimistic today. After yesterday when I felt my world lift me up into the air and slam me on the ground I was determined to be okay. I was going to go running after school to burn off emotions but went to the bank instead. There are not very many day hours right now.
It would have sucked though because it was wet and cold with a mix of rain and snow. I don't know if I can make it through the whole day tomorrow so I might have too later. I don't know how much longer I can hold back all these stupid emotions. I can feel them in my stomach and it's making me feel horrible.

I always feel horrible now. I can't do anything without feeling pain now. I can't have a good time, have a conversation, go to sleep, eat or write without feeling it. Especially I can't eat but that's a different story. I can't put anything in my mouth without feeling insanely guilty but I'm so stressed out I can't stop eating. It's really hard right now too fight off the urge to go stuff my face. I'm not hungry but I need the comfort. My body does not like it though. I've gained several pounds this month. I've lost aerobics so now I'm going to have to find another source of cardio. Ballet obviously isn't enough.

Exercise aside I cannot continue to eat like this. I'm going to have to do something but I'm not sure what.

I just found out I lost another person. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I hate Caleb. I hate him for doing this. It's so stupid, all this shit has happened since he died. I was doing okay but now I'm falling apart. I'm trying to glue the pieces of me together but I fall apart faster than I can put myself together again.

This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind has got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Your love is testing me but still I'm losing it

I need to see him. I need to be okay again. Even if I have repeat of last night's episode I have to see him. No matter what. I'll do anything. I need a fix of him. I need to feel better. I need to forget. I need to not lose him too.

I said boy I'm telling you, you got me open
I don't know what to do it's true
I'm going crazy over you
I'm begging
S.O.S. please someone help me
It's not healthy for me to feel this way
Oh you are making this hard
You got me tossin' and turnin'
and I can't sleep at night