Blue Fingers and a Heavy Heart

My fingers are blue, my toes are pink. Half of my hair is straight, half is curly. I'm supposed to be helping watch Sarah but I'm being selfish instead. Formal is tomorrow. I really don't know what to do with myself.

Someday when our stories are told.
They'll tell of a love like this.
When our descendents are all growing old 1,000 years they'll be singing.
Nah-nah, nah-nah, nah, nah, nah

I want that. I want him. I know I'll never have that with him but I still want him. He's like a drug. He makes me feel light and giggly and forget how misrable I am. If only I didn't have to feel guilty. Why is it that love is always so wrong?

Call me baby. Please?

Stupid wishes. Stupid heart. Stupid dreams. Stupid fantasies. It'll never happen. It shouldn't happen. I want to stop wanting him. I want to stop needing him.

I need him. Call me baby?

We'll climb Tibetan mountains
Where we can barely breathe.
I'll see the Dali Lama.
I'll feel him blessing me.
And all the constellations
Shine down for us to see.
And if you don't believe me Just put your hands on me.
Your hands on me...

I'm so sad and pathetic. I cry when I miss his calls. I cry and beg to my phone he'll call back. He doesn't.

I can't get through a shower without being paranoid that I'll miss his call. He never calls.

Promises don't mean anything. I don't care. I'm such an idiot. I can't stop.

My fingers are blue, my toes are pink. Formal is tomorrow. I really don't know what to do with myself.