Annoyance

The movers emptied most of the house yesterday and have come back today to get the last of the furniture.

It's extremely annoying to sleep on an air mattress.

I miss my bed.

Schedule

Party was Friday.

Cityfest was yesterday.

Ice Skating was today.

So basically it was an amazing weekend.

Moving Truck comes tomorrow morning. We are not ready.

I, personally am ready but the house is not and the garage looks scary.

I get to sleep on the floor for four days. Great. Maybe a friend will adopt me for a the evening. =/

The plan is for me to get a head start on Friday and stop in Eugene to tour U of O campus.

We have to drive sloooooow, like 55, all the way down and take three freakin days. I don't know aboout you, but I like to drive fast on the highway. When else do I get to push 70? but whatever. I have freedom as far as Eugene anyways. Enough time for me to go AWOL? Possibly.

We get into Claremont the 31st. I'm guessing that's Monday. Moving truck arrives the 2nd and school starts the 3rd. Aiii. Who came up with this schedule? Not me.

Too Dark

I tried to color my hair tonight.

It didn't work out so well.

My hair didn't lift. The top of my head is red and the bottom looks very much the same. Quite dissapointing. I've never colored my hair before though.

I had to work out stuff with my yearbook. My school doesn't get our yearbooks in until October. I guess graduation pictures are a big deal? It's rediculous. But they won't mail it to me so I have to have a friend pick it up for me and then mail it. We went to the post office to get it weighed and pay for postage but apparently you can only do it two days in advance so my friend will have to do that. Gahhh.

Party tomorrow.

Moving Rant

Moving is a pain in the butt. Packing is exhusting but thanks to my hard efforts most of the contents of my room and bathroom are sitting in boxes. I'm so glad I'll be able to put stuff in my car though. I'll have my ballet stuff, school supplies which I bought tonight, blankets/pillows, makeup and crap, a week and a half worth of clothes and some stuff close, instead of having to wonder where all my precious things are and if the truck is going to run away.

The moving truck arrives on Monday, the 25th. I'm hoping I'll be able to sleep at other people's houses instead of on my floor for four nights. It's sad that we need that long to finish repairs and stuff.

I'm going to be photoblogging this moving experience.

Stupid

Wow. Life is really stupid.

I don't get it.

God must hate me.


The footsteps that were next to me
have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
to know that beautiful things
don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
to know this beautiful place
isn't everything they say

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Cancel

I don't know what to do. It was all fun and games at first but this is beginning to look like a painful repeat of spring. I can't do that anymore. I won't be that desperate again. Will I?

Guys...they are all the same. They are all assholes.

I'm tired of playing the game...will he cancel? I'm so freaking done with being cancelled on constantly. What is wrong with people? If they don't want to hang out say NO. You never can tell how people feel because they are too busy pretending and lying. and cancelling.

I should just give up. There's no hope. I hate dating. When will high school be over? This is misery.

Answers

Refer Back
I am only ideaist as a means of self presevation. I never apply this idology to myself but to other people. As I put it before, " I had to see the people I love a certain way because if I don't I won't be able to love them anymore."

I've placed everyone in my life in a certain place, a specific position, a role for them to play. Changes cause mental messes for me and it's very difficult for me to "get over", repair or reassign roles. Avoiding this becomes a priority. Therefore, I resort to idealistic beliefs as a safety.

This does not apply to my perspective on myself. What does apply is extremly complex because so much comes into play. Like, for example, how I view myself as worthless, how I need other people to tell me the nice things about myself that I cannot or how strong I desire to project a certain image of myself to other people.

I always expect worst possible case scenerio. Meeting face to face with rejection only amplifies this. Rejection causes a problem because my supply of love has been cut off. How do I compensate? Lower my standards, obviously. Think, desperate. Settle for less because it's better than nothing. You need something so you'll take anything. Not about something specific, it's a mind set. And then after a certain period of time you stop caring. Did you ever think otherwise? Doesn't matter. Now is fine.

And that's it, the answer I was looking for back in May.

Upside Down

Sisters. Oh my God. seriously? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY!

I want a goldfish. I'm going to teach it tricks and take pictures of it. =) It'll be amazing. I'm already in love.

Which is a good thing because all the guys I could potentially be in love with are all assholes. So a goldfish would be good.

But honestly I'd rather have a guy....

Everything is upside down.

you keep me spinning around
Spinning around
I've got this funny feeling
Turning my whole world upside down

Uhh Oh

Gah...things are starting to go downhill for me. But that's what I get for chasing after a dream come true.

I'm screwed.

Tell me something I don't know.

Yesterday was depressing so I drove to Barnes and Noble to pick up my copy of Breaking Dawn. I'm 400 pages into it but I keep falling asleep in it. It's not boring, I'm just that tired.

Still Working

My dad is home. That means until he leaves again we will eat, sleep and breathe moving. The only upside to having him back is that we get his cooking instead mom's. That and he looked at my car today and I don't have very much transmission fluid so that's probably a big part of it's shifting problems.

I had a good day at ballet today: my back flexibility is improving and starting to improve on my corrections. I'm focusing on supporting my stomach, pulling up and keeping my knees straight. I need to work on landing a double pirouette. Also I want my arabesque higher but that fits into my 2008 resolutions. By the way I'm still working on them.

Recap

1. Backcatch
Improvement? Yes. However, I'm getting the feeling I'll still be working on it next year.
2. Grand Jete
I don't know what's up with this one...I think getting my oversplits would help. I need to be more diligent with stretching.
3. Higher Arabeque
This goal wasn't specific so I'll never be done working on it! Lower back flexibility and leg strength need to increase.
4. Higher Penche
I've noticed that a penche stretched the back of my legs. The back of my legs just happens to be one of the least flexible areas on my body. I guess I need to spend more time touching my toes.
5. Go en Pointe
I got this one. =) Now I need to increase my ankle strength for endurance, pretty feet and long lasting shoes.
6. Get License
I got this one too.

Imagine what it would be like if everyone kept their new years resolutions. Fat people might be a minority. lol.

Bored

I'm bored.

I figured out how I'm going to deal with my current guy dilema.

What has me the most concerned is not having anything to do tomorrow.

I went to church today and then dashed down to Olive Garden for lunch with a friend. She's on her way to Seattle right now with her Phillipine's Mission Trip team. I considered going when signups were out back in the fall. But, between the time commitment, the finances and the distance, it was just too much.

But she's going and is gone for two whole weeks. We were able to spend some time together after lunch. We found this little pond with ducks in it at the. Amazingly, we sat watching the ducks and talking for some time. She wants to be a duck now and I do to. They looked so peaceful ducking their heads into the muddy water and flapping their wings, showering water everywhere.

Youth group was short, mostly just a chance for us to send off our team. Now I don't have anything to do. That is why I am bored. I'm considering going up to my room to dance after I get something to eat, but I'm not sure. =/

I love these lyrics.

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

I could probably listen to Hellogoodbye's (Here) in your Arms all day. =)

Unsure

I don't know what to say.

That's a first.

I stayed home today. with my family. All day.

It's amazing that I'm still alive and I haven't cried yet.

Losing Time

It's the first day of the last month of the end of my life as I know it. Shit.

I feel like a terminal patient counting down the days left to live. I'm trying to live every moment to it's fullest, not worry about the repercusions and get lost in the moment but all the way knowing how little time I have left. I hate it when people talk about me leaving. I always try to stop thinking about it. I spend as little time as possible at home because everyone here is so focused on it. I can't deal with it. Spending time with my family is too much a lot of the time. I just want to be with my friends.

I'm not going to lie, today was one hell of a good day. Why do good days have to end?