Idealist or Denial

i·de·al·ist noun
1. a person who cherishes or pursues high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc.
2. a visionary or impractical person.
3. a person who represents things as they might or should be rather than as they are.

In All The King's Men Jack is an idealist. He has images of the people he loves in his mind and even as "The student of history" he does not want to see them for who they are and what they've done.

I am an idealist. I've always said I'm a realist, I look at the things the way they are and try to stay away from foolish nonsense. Yet another realization I've made is I am an idealist.

It's probably a method of survive. I had to see the people I love a certain way because if I don't I won't be able to love them anymore. If everything is all happy and good in my mind I can relax and be okay. When everything is real and the lies are uncovered there is chaos. Personally, I like order.

Maybe it's just that I'm in denial. Why? It's easier. If nothing is wrong than I don't have to deal with anything. If I lie and pretend everything is great no one will ask questions.

Really, it's a very good system. It's worked well for me for as long as I can remember.

So I pose this question...am I in denial or if am I just an idealist? I'm not really sure actually. Thoughts to ponder.