RoseinGarden

Monday, September 28, 2009

First Week

Moment of truth: Just began my second week of college and I'm already coming down with a cold.

College is weird. People aren't constantly telling you what to do and where to be. I haven't seen a single hall pass or heard anyone yell at me to get to class. Like I said, weird.

I'm really loving biology so far and excited to learn about cells and for the Friday labs. Mr. Mitchell is my favorite teacher.

Western Civ is two hours long which is one hour and thirty minutes longer than I want to be in that class. Film critique, end of term presentation and essay exams do not sounds exciting. The teacher is shaped like Santa Claus which I find very distracting. Honestly, how do obese people function?

Psychology is giving me a lot of the same information I learned last year at Claremont. It's pretty easy but little assignments are do each class, which I find annoying.

Weight Lifting hasn't started yet. There are three other girls in the class and a couple of really hot guys. Not high school boys either. I pwn at shoulder flexibility.


I really wish Nutcracker rehearsals would start.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Mattimeo died.

Mattimeo died this morning. He was only six months old.



I don't know why. He always had food and water, plenty to chew on, exercise and adventures. His sister was sick too...my only guess is bad genetics.

We had a funeral for him. I buried him in the backyard, a grueling ordeal that involved two shovels, a little garden shovel, a hammer, a glass of water and a pole thingy. Then me, Bre, Alex, Ryan, Mark and Garrett had a memorial service at the park where we buried all the mice. However, since it was not at 2 in the morning we didn't think it would be appropriate to actually bury Matti there. So the burial was near my parakeet, Jean-Luc.


I can't really explain how I feel. The "service" was insanely funny. Walking into my room hours later and hearing silence instead of Mattimeo jumping in his cage was heartbreaking. I miss him. I wish he didn't die. I wish everything and everyone would jump stop freaking dying already. You guys are breaking my heart.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

09 Nutracker Auditions

Nutcracker auditions were today.

It was stressful. I was really nervous driving down to Oregon City today.

I experienced a good type of stress though, called Eustress, which I'm assuming, helped me to dance better. (I don't know if you'd say an intermediate student in an advanced class was "dancing", more like watching the girl next to me show me which arm to use and hopping around en pointe hoping my teacher doesn't notice that I'm about to sprain my ankle.)

Once I got there, put my shoes on, shed my sweats and boots, put a number on and had my last swig of water, I wasn't nervous anymore. A class is a class is a class, even if a new teacher is running it. A new teacher who thankfully doesn't know my name. Does it defeat the purpose of an audition if you hope no one can see you?

Anywayyyys, can't wait to find out what parts I got and get my rehearsal schedule. One and a half days till college starts,

Friday, September 18, 2009

No Politics Today

Today when I was trying to find a pen, I rummaged through my desk drawer and found my cross necklace. It went missing in the last move. It was a Christmas present from the Fellows a long time ago.

Maybe it wasn't so long ago, but holding the cross in my hand it feels like a lifetime ago. I don't expect anyone else to understand the significance of it. She gave the necklace to me, not my mom or my sister. That was special. A long time ago. When things used to matter.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Why Universal Health Care Is A Failure

Obama’s purposed plan for universal health care is flawed and will cause more damage than good.

If we won't even be able to pay for medicare when the baby boomers all retire, how does Obama plan to pay for a universal health care system?


What will happen to all the private health insurance companies when employers choose to purchase the cheaper government health care system? How many jobs will be lost?


Obama promises that the proposed health care plan won't add to the deficit and will be paid for upfront. Where exactly are the funds coming from? If taxes are increased, how does that help Americans in their financial struggles? Is the difference made up by requiring everyone in a higher tax bracket to pay the difference?


There are problems in today’s health care system. However, there is a natural solution to the problem many Americans are facing. If the cost of health insurance continues to rise, more and more Americans will drop out and no longer be covered. If enough people drop out, the cost of health insurance will decrease. It's a fact.

Despite that, Democrats are calling for government intervention, which furthers problems.


"In order to pay for expanded coverage of healthcare for everyone, the government will have to impose higher taxes. One proposal is a mandatory tax on employers who don't offer credible healthcare benefits. Before we proceed, it is important to point out that individuals pay taxes, not "employers". Behind every company are individual owners or shareholders, and WE (you and me) will pay any tax that is imposed. Higher taxes on "employers" result in less money available for wages, employee benefit plans, and other expenditures. Those other expenditures include less money to be spent with a company's vendors, building and maintenance expenses, research and development, capital equipment and improvements, legal and accounting services, marketing budgets, community outreach programs, charitable contributions, etc. The trickle down effect of higher taxes simply means that less money will be available for individuals."


A universal health care system might NOT increase the national debt; however, it will increase the debt of your friends, family and neighbors. Higher taxes will not help to stimulate the economy. Instead, it will result in fewer purchases, less saving and less jobs. The promise of a recovering economy seems smaller and smaller.


"Now imagine a healthcare company trying to sell their product or service in an environment where the government is in control. What if the government won't pay the market price for a medical device, prescription drug, imaging system, etc.? The end result will be fewer profits for companies competing in the healthcare field and less incentive to create the next generation of products. Less profits trickles quickly down to the individuals (you and me) in the form of less opportunity, lower wages, and fewer jobs."


Less opportunity translates into a halt of technological advances. Americans are looking for new treatments, new cures and better ways to diagnose illnesses, yet it will be increasingly difficult to find the funds for such advances to take place.


Medicare, a much smaller program, covers 44 million Americans, but the program is plagued with problems.


“Medicare's Hospital Insurance (HI) Trust Fund is expected to pay out more in hospital benefits and other expenditures this year than it receives in taxes and other dedicated revenues. In addition, the Medicare Supplementary Medical Insurance (SMI) Trust Fund that pays for physician services and the prescription drug benefit will continue to require general revenue financing and charges on beneficiaries that will grow substantially faster than the economy and beneficiary incomes over time.”


The needs of the program are outgrowing the funding that is available. What will happen will the needs of the universal health are system undoubtedly outgrow the funding? Physician salaries will drop. Prescription medication cost will go down. Taxes will increase.


When physician salaries decrease, it will decrease the amount of new doctors. It takes twenty years of schooling, over a hundred thousand dollars as well as on the job training which could last from months to years to become a doctor. When the cost of prescription medication decreases, their will be less incentive for researchers to develop new drugs. When taxes increase the economy is stifled. Medicare has shown us that we are not able to afford government health care right now, let alone the future. National health care spending is expected to total 2.5 trillion dollars for 2009 alone. By 2018, it’s predicted to double, amounting to a total of 4.4 trillion dollars.


The only new health care plan the government should be developing is a plan like medicare, available to families only below the poverty line. While welfare is in some cases abused, many working families do need assistance.

As for a plan for all Americans, now is not the time, if there ever will be. Private health insurance companies are an important part of the American economy. To lose them could be disastrous.

http://blogs.wisbusiness.com/bizopinion/2009/09/economics-of-nationalized-health-care.html
http://www.barackobama.com/issues/healthcare/
http://www.freedomworks.org/publications/medicares-two-fundamental-problems
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2007/05/29/obama_calls_for_universal_health_care_coverage_paid_for_by_government_business_consumers/
http://www.nchc.org/facts/cost.shtml
http://www.kff.org/medicare/h08_7821.cfm

Green Means Go

Today is 9/11.

I want to say thank you to all the firefighters, police officers, emergency medical technicians and other rescue workers who put their lives on the line every day to help keep us safe.

I don't think they get enough credit for what they do.




Today I went from being undeclared to general studies major. How dumb is that? Yet completely necessary for me to be able to receive any financial aid. At least I feel like I acomplished something today.

Green means go! The Max green line opens tomorrow at 11:30 and free rides all day plus tons of music and other festivities to celebrate the occasion. Did you know the green line was planned 30 years ago? That's a long time!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Yes

I now understand what it means to lead someone on.

It's when you allow someone to think they have a chance with you when in reality their prospects are zero.

Obviously, the only moral thing to do would be to let the person down gently. Obviously. I can't help but feel bad though. He really is a nice guy and I really have had a good time getting to know him. But he is not my Alex and at the end of the day, it's Alex I want, not him.

So I guess, that is that then. Now how do I tell him without totally crushing him?

Monday, September 7, 2009

A Whole of A Half of A Year

today.



Alex and I have been officially dating for six months, today. I think we are both amazed, especially after this last slightly difficult week and a half.


But it's worth it. Always worth it.

Irony

A thought for the evening


I won't join a facebook group petition against the Soldiers are not heroes group even though I believe that is wrong. Why? Freedom of speech. It would go against the most basic American concept that we are free to say what we want, no matter how offensive it might sound.


Point being, soldiers died to give this group the right to say that soldiers aren't heroes.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Fuck Theres No Way I'm Quitting Drinking Now Like I Was Serious About Doing

I am incredibly angry right now. For once I decided to be honest and ask my parents if I could go camping for one night with my friends. My dad first tried to tell me that because I had drama with my friends I couldn't go. Then my mom went to look the site up on the internet.

This led her to spend the next hour screaming at me:


It's a dangerous place for people to drink and do drugs.

A lot of crime takes place.

All my friends are losers.

How could I spend time with losers?

I'm an irresponsible person.

How could I as a law abiding citizen put up with illegal behavior?


Then, she freaking spends the rest of the night texting me about how she is just trying to protect me. It's too late for that whore to protect me from life. I almost killed myself last year on account of her actions. She has no right to try to control what I do.

I'm so tired of her bullshit. Never mind the fact that I am a legal adult. I should have just made up some story. I wish from the bottom of my fucked up life I could escape this hell hole.

I'm tired of being punished for things I haven't even done. I might as well do drugs because I'm already being punished for it. Never mind the fact that I have never touched a single drug in my entire life!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Happy Birthday Sarah

RIP Clackamas High class of 05's Alex Spycher. He passed away this morning after waking up with chest pains.



I'm still alive, despite all the drama. Last night was the last straw and I decided that I was done being blamed by Ryan for Breezy's actions. I caved and told him the truth, all of the truth. Breezy has gone from being angry at me to using every excuse she can think of to justify lying. She's good at it, one of the many compulsive liars I interact with every day. I'm just at the end of my rope.

I have refused to talk to either of them all day and turned my phone off for most of last night.

I want to have mature friends. College friends anyone?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Lesson

What's the biggest lesson you've had to learn?

You can't live in the past. You can't live in the present. You can't live in the future.

You have to live in all three.

You have to learn from your past experiences and not repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

You have to enjoy every stage of life and not be stuck thinking of what will happen or what has already happened.

You have to know where you are going or else you won't go anywhere but down.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It Never Goes Away

Sometimes I wonder, when do I stop being a messed up person? When does the past stop lurking in the shadows? Did I really deal with everything, or have I just shoved it all under my pillow?