We Apire To Be Flawed?

I've decided ballet is insanity.

We all willingly sign up for performances, excited at the thought of costumes and time on the stage. Then, without fail, the week of the performance, we all look at each other and wish we had not gotten ourselves into it in the first place.

That's where I am right now-knee deep in rehersals. Jacquie finds a reason to yell at me every moment I'm in front of her. I hide instead, fret every moment I have to dance in front on her, knowing she'll tear me apart from the inside out. My knees aren't bent deep enough, I didn't look at Amy, I missed some correction I should have caught. It's brutal work, dancing.

However, that's not what I wanted to comment on. It was the thoughts that ran through my head while watching the advanced girls dance.

They were beautiful. They were graceful. They were quick.

But they made mistakes.

They were flawed. They were late. They stumbled.

The advanced dancers are what the rest of us aspire to be. We aspire to be flawed?

These girls are one level ahead of me. Either this year or next, I'll be one of them. But even though their technique is much more advanced than my own, they are still flawed. The quest for perfection still escapes them.

Which makes me realize that no matter how hard we try, we will never capture perfection. We will never be perfect. We will never truely be ballet dancers because ballet is perfection. We will always be students, killing ourselves to reach for the perfection.

Most dancers are passionate about dance. I'm not. I dance to fullfill my need to be good, to be perfect. Where will this leave me? I don't know. Open House is on Saturday, two days. I'm almost glad my best friend and boyfriend can't make it.