You Don't Really Know Me

I've lost a lot of people but even with experience, it doesn't ever get any easier. It weighs on me, brings me down, and hides my happiness. Sometimes I forget and move on. Most of the time, I'm not so lucky.

I find songs to describe how I feel. I write poems and stories to portray emotion. I make friends with people who remind me of who I lost and friends that help me to forget.

In the end there is no easy way to lose someone.

If I refuse to let them go, it's harder then it has to be. Knowing this, I should just let him go. We were only together for eleven weeks, which in the grand scheme of life is not very much. But I was falling in love with him, so letting him go, even after only eleven weeks, is extremely difficult.

I thought there was hope for us to stay, but I don't really believe it is possible anymore. Not because me, because of him. I'm not perfect, but I proudly proclaim that I did not make any mistakes in this relationship. I worked really hard to be as perfect as possible, to not repeat any old mistakes. It still didn't work out, meaning it was his fault, not mine.

If only he could get his act together. He told me that he was leaving me so he wouldn't bring me down in the future. That this break up would hurt me now but would save me pain in the future. I don't think he knows me half as well as he thinks he does.

There is still a flickering glimmer of hope, but if I close my eyes I can't see it. I'm scared to imagine having to move on.

Life was good but now it's just okay. I'm really lucky and privilaged but I do feel pain. My life is bittersweet chocolate.