Can't Believe

I cannot believe he said that.




Completely stunned.


You, Mr., are such a liar.

Porsche

Love makes us all thrill junkies. When we fall for someone, our dopamine level spikes, and our serotonin, which makes us feel at ease tanks. A person in love has a similiar brain scan to a person who is about to dump her life's savings on a Porsche.


I might as well just go out and admit it: I have an addictive personality.

Second is that I like to make excuses. I tell myself I'll be bigger, and not make excuses but I still do. Even if it's just in my head, it's the same thing.



Actually I think i'd really like a Porsche. Christmas present anyone?

Rediculous

I might be the most rediculous person to have ever existed.



But so are you.

R is Green

I spent forty dollars on gas today. *makes a face*

I didn't fill up the tank either.

I'm deciding to support Measure R.

Measure R is a half-cent sales tax for Los Angeles County that would finance new transportation projects and programs, and accelerate many of those already in the pipeline.

Measure R is expected to generate $40 billion in new local sales tax revenues over 30 years.

I like it because it's green. Public transportation cuts down on fuel consumption and when you are talking about the amount of people who live in Los Angeles County, that's a lot. Would anyone argue that taking cars off the freeway is a bad thing? Public transportation is good.

http://www.metro.net/measurer/default.asp

Strange.Normal.Nothing.

People in my life. are strange.

At another time her affections were deeply engaged by a young gentleman who visited a lady on a neighboring plantation. It was after they went to Mississippi to live.The young man was engaged to be married to the young lady, and they sometimes called upon Margaret, driving over of afternoons in a buggy. Edna was a little miss, just merging into her teens; and the realization that she herself was nothing, nothing, nothing to the engaged young man was a bitter affliction to her. But he, too, went the way of dreams.

-The Awakening



I think too much. I wonder to much about whether or not I'm worthy. I worry about getting fat. I miss deadlines. I sleep in. I forget people's names.

And then I assign roles and personalities to people. Sometimes I end up being right but not always. I become surpised. But I thought... No silly. weren't you? No. didn't you... No. supposed too? No

Oh.

Is it better? Is it worse?

I realized I'm starting to be normal again. The preDecember Emily lives again. Perhaps this move has done some good to me. I still miss him though. Does that ever go away? But I forget I am nothing, nothing, nothing to him. In time he will go the way of dreams.

Exercise of Gratitude

Alright, with all the happiness discussions in psychology, I'm feeling like I could improve in the department. Today, my goal is to think of all the good things that have happened/are in my life since moving.

• the church isn't horribly mean
• the constant heat wasn't too hard to adjust too after a season of summer in Oregon
• the school seems to have it together acdemically as a whole
• the football team isn't very good but we did win a game
• the student body has great school spirit and the rally was really fun.
• there are many dances during the school year that I could go too
• there are many clubs and sports to chose from
• the classes may be everyday but are shorter
• except for my math teacher, my teachers are all pretty nice
• I may not be improving very much in basketball but I'm enjoying the conditioning part of PE (pushups, jogging, sprinting and crunches) and hope to see a lot of improvement
• in basketball my team leader may not find me useful and more specifically useless, but one of the guys is passive and other seems slightly sympathetic
• I have some in class friends in basketball who seem to be really nice
• I made one really good friend who I eat lunch with, share a locker with, share two classes with and go places with.
• I went to the LA County Fair
• I went to a football game
• I get to drive to school
• waking up early may not be easy but its helpful for me to be in a routine
• I'm doing well in all my classes
• I actually understand french and math and have scored decent grades on quizzes so far
• my house may be small but i like my room
• I still get my own room
• we have a pool that i can swim in anytime i want
• i haven't gotten a bad sunburn yet

Well, I guess that's a good start. I'm trying to be more positive. I found out today from a counsler that I have like a guarenteed admission if I score decent on the SAT this October to getting into Cal Poly Pomona. I checked out the website and it has the programs I'm interested in so I signed up for a college visit next week.

Dance Schedule

Oh my gosh my toes hurt. The good news is I finally have my dance schedule.

Tuesday
Inter. Foundations 5:30-7:00

Thursday
Inter. Foundations 4:00-5:30
Beg. Pointe 5:30-6:15

I can also take intermediate Fridays and Saturdays, depending on how much time and money I have to spend. I'm hoping during the year I can increase to five classes a week, but we will see how it goes.

The school I'm at has a completely different style, it follows the RAD syllabus (Royal Academy of Dance) which means everything is just different enough to be incredibly annoying.


Everyone asks me what I am going to do next year but to be honest I haven't a clue. I don't know what I want anymore. Or maybe it's that I feel like I can't have what I want so I'm trying to make myself want something different. So far I would say it's not working.

Happiness

Avoid over thinking and social comparision. When you start to dwell on problems or compare yourself to others, distract yourself with positive thoughts or activities.

"How you act and how you think largely determine if happiness is inside you."


I'm in trouble.

New Life

It's easier to show you my new home, as opposed to trying to explain it. So here's everything I have so far. I don't have any pictures of the school or town yet, but I do have the moving experience, our new home, and some pictures of my family.

Packing

Traveling

The House (Town Home)

Moving In

My Room

The Family

The Church

Remember the Glass

Remembering is hard for me.

It's not difficult to remember 9/11. It's very easy actually.

It's hard to remember because than I remember everything I'm trying to forget. Can you want to forget something that you tried so hard to make sure you never forgot?

It's too hard, some things.

I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city with the sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home

Sometimes you take yourself places and you know you can't ever go back. Looking back, there is a glass wall seperating you between the past and the present. The glass isn't clear; it's hard to see everything so you get glimpses instead. You know, standing on that side of the wall, you have to move forward because no matter what, you can never go back. You knew that, walking through the door but that's how it works. An idea that looks really great at the time can seem not so optimal later.

When I look back, that's what I'll remember. Walking through the door, and standing on the other side of the glass, wondering if I wanted to go back. Wishing the future could take a 180 degree turn so I could be reunited with my past, only this time it would work. But of course, that isn't possible. The wall is there, keeping me out.

I'll always remember what I can see. Not everything, but just enough.

Moment of Truth

I believe this school is attempting to prepare me for college. I mean, it's not that I don't...appreciate ten to fifteen hours of homework a week...it's just that...I'm not particulary inclined to do it. Aiii.

Moment of truth

Economics is most interesting.

Psychology is runner up.

Basketball isn't so terrible...when we aren't playing basketball. I don't mind the conditioning part, just the basketball part.

My French teacher may be crazy but I am actually learning.

AP Comp is boring.

Geometry teacher is such a bitch. She's the exception to the "mean teacher, but okay person." She's a good teacher (as in very indepth explanations) but horrible person. Her attitude, the way she talks to us it's like: oh my God just get a different job already.

Driving to school is nice.

Having friends makes everything bareable.

Except the heat. It's horrible.

Senior Year

School is stupid.

The first day of school I arrived early with all the registration papers ready. I stood in line at the ASB office for thirty minutes, way after the bell rang. I get sent off to the attendance office to pick up my schedule. I got there and was sent somewhere else, to room 105 which was really hard to find. Except the lady didn't have it either. I had to go to the discipline office but since I didn't have a student ID I had to wait extra long to recieve it.

I spent most of lunch waiting in line for a locker, but by then they had run out. Of course it is against the rules to share a locker or to make trips to your car between classes.

Are they serious? I waited at the library after school for another thirty minutes to pick up four super sized textbooks.

My first period class is A.P. Language and Composition. The teacher is not very exciting and the class looks like it's going to be a very heavy work load and not very interesting.

Second period is Basketball. What the ****? My counsler thinks I can play basketball? Right.

Third is French and my teacher is freaking insane.

Forth is Geometry which my counsler is making me retake. The teacher is a complete bitch and already hates me.

Fifth is psychology and sixth is economics which look like the only classes I'm going to enjoy.

It sucks because second, third and forth period are all mostly sophomores. uggg