I Don't Care

Mental health: how you like, accept and feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you meet the demands of everyday life.



As I read this I think to myself, oh crap.



We all know my self image in seriously screwed up. Me relating to other people is chancy to say the least. As for meeting the demands of life...I might be the smartest idiot alive.


So pretty much I'm screwed up for the mental health. Physically I'm okay. Socially...I wouldn't know where to begin. Despite all the reasons that I rejoice being...numb...I watch myself lose the fight. I wish I could care again. I wish when someone touched me different feelings were invoked. The was I feel now is just pathetic.

What i wouldn't give just to forget
What i wouldn't give to get some rest
So i can remember how to live again
I wanna live again


It's not that I have to deal with the aftermath of being emotionally attached to someone who didn't care about me at all.

It's more than that.

So much more.

I'm learning to turn myself off from the world. How is it that I've learned so much from the people who hurt me the most? I say, I don't want to be like you but here I am and there you were. That's stupid.

I used to be really different. I used to be very independent. I never needed anyone. I used to be confident in myself. I've always had my doubts but I never let them overwelm me.

Now I'm so lost. I'm numb. Sometimes I feel like I'm fading away. When did I lose all the respect I had for myself? When did I stop being healthy? I walk around with so much knowledge. Knowledge is deadly.

What do you do when you know how you feel is wrong? If I can ever answer that question a lot of my problems would be solved. I'm not holding my breath. Will I ever care again?