I Actually Wrote Today

I amazed at myself. I actually wrote the nineteenth chapter for my fan fiction story. It's been such a long time since I've updated it!
It's called the Unveiling of Secrets and it's based off of the phantom of the opera. It's actually my only brilliant story idea though reading over some of it I wish I had developed some of the characters a little different. It was also a tramendous learning experience. If I ever write fan fiction again my next story will be soo much bettet!

I'm supposed to be a youth group right now. I didn't feel like going. haha that's nice. Jake sounded pissy when he called me asking if I was going to show up. I'm like, "no." No I'm not coming. So what?

I'm supposed to be writing an outline for my paper on Roger Williams but I'm procrastinating, as usual. Oh well on with it I suppose.

The Decision

Lillie sat on the grass watching the white fluffy clouds roll by. It was warm that day and the wind tickled her chin. Today after school Miss Carrington was taking a group of students to the local park to pick up trash. So far only five kids had volunteered to go and Miss Carrington was asking all the fifth graders to come along. Lillie wasn't so sure she wanted too. Samantha had invited Lillie to come over after school. Samantha was a popular, pretty rich girl. She knew that if she went over to Samantha's house she would have fun. It hadn’t been a hard decision to make. At first it hadn’t been anyways.

That morning Lillie's mom had asked Lillie if she was going to the park to pick up trash. When she heard Lillie wasn't going to go she told her that she was being selfish. She said the environment was more important that going over to Samantha's house.

"But mom, Samantha wants me to come over and I said I would. I've never been invited anywhere by Samantha before. If I say no she might think I don't like her." Lillie explained.

"You don't think the environment is important? Oh Lillie we have to take care of our world or else it won't be beautiful and green anymore. If you don't go with Miss Carrington, who will?" Her mom wasn't about to give up.

"Ashley, Chris, Meagan, Skylar and Emily are going. They don't need me. It's just trash anyways. Someone will pick it up." Luckily for Lillie the clock struck eight and she had to leave for school.

"Think about it Lillie," her mom called out as Lillie raced out the door to catch the bus.

"Okay, I'll think about it!" She yelled back.

She'd been thinking about it all day. Still she wanted to go over to Samantha's house. Who knew if she'd ever get invited over again?
On the playground a group of boys were playing basketball. Skylar was laughing as he stole the ball away from his friend and scored a basket. Skylar was going to pick up trash. But Skylar was popular and probably had people ask him to come over everyday. Besides things were different for boys.

Glancing around the playground Lillie saw Ashley. Lillie waved at Ashley and she raced over. Panting, Ashley collapsed on the grass beside Lillie. Playfully she punched Lillie in the arm and laughed. "You’re going with us to pick up trash at the park later right?"

Lillie looked down at the ground. "Actually I'm not so sure I want to go." She twirled a blade of grass between her fingers.

"You're kidding right? You have to come! It won't be any fun without you." Ashley exclaimed.

"Yeah well you'll be pretty busy and you won't miss me. Samantha asked me to come over to her house so I think I'll go be with her today." The two girls sat in silence.

Finally, Ashley said, "I've been thinking a lot about what we learned in science. Do you remember when we talked about how pollution is a growing problem? Think of what would happen if no one ever picked up trash. It would be everywhere, you know?"

"I know it's just I already pick up my own trash. I even rake the leaves in my yard in the fall and sometimes I take the garage out."

"Not everyone does. Like Miss Carrington says, it's our responsibility to take care of earth. That means we have to put in a little extra effort every now and then."Lillie didn't say anything. She studied a tiny spider in the grass and ran her hand across the soft green blades.

"I really wish you would go." Ashley whispered.

She did want to go. The problem was she wanted to go over to Samantha's house more. "I just wish there was a way I could hang out with Samantha and go to the park.

Ashley's eyes lit up. "Hey I know a way! You can invite Samantha go come with us to the park and then afterwards head over to her house!" She stood smiling. "Come on Lillie, she's over there. Let's go ask her!"

Lillie stumbled to her feet. "Okay, okay, you win. Let's go find Samantha." Giggling they raced over to go find Samantha.

NOT in a Good Mood

You know those days where everything is going great and than it takes a turn for the worse? That's my day.
Not even My Chemical Romance can cheer me up now.

My day started off pretty good...I walked to school with Breezy and had a caffine high. We managed to pursade my PE teacher that since we don't have school tomorrow it's like a Friday so that we could do pilates. She finally caved.
We did a flexibilty test and I found out I'm average in most of the areas (yay! Had I taken that last year I'd have been below average in some of them) and was pleasantly surprised to learn I have really good flexibilty in my shoulders and feet.

The rest of the day dragged and then I had to go to ballet and meet my second new teacher, Heather. She's really nice and her class was easier but I think she's better at seeing technique problems. I got a bunch of corrections. and she didn't mind when I screwed up my center work. I got coffee on the way so I was bubbling off of more caffine. I've already connected with some of the girls in class and they were very kind and helped me when I got confused.

Then I went home. The drive home itself was really good with Mum and I laughing and chatting. But she's at band tonight so Dad's in charge.

First of all he served fish tonight. I hate fish.

Second all he cares about is quiet.
Autumn dropped her bowl of Applesauce on the ground. So I got up and got a papertowl and told her to come down and clean it up with me. She of course pitched a fit and started sobbing.

So Dad wouldn't let me make her clean up. She's going to be a baby for the rest of her life. She knows that Dad will give her anything she wants if she screams or cries. Can't he just ignore it?

And then there's William. He can't talk to Autumn at all! He always makes her scream. Couldn't for once in his life he keep his freakin mouth shut?

It's so frustrating. I was feeling really great all day and now this. If Jake were here he'd tell me in different words to get over it and not let it bother me. Then I'd yell at him and then he'd be pissed at me...and yeah. That's why we're not going out anymore. Our personalities don't work together and we fight too much.

The Hard Truth

There are always two ways of looking at a situation. For example I could decide that the hardwork and soreness I feel now because of Aeriobics was negative and hate it. Or I could realize that yeah it hurts but I'm getting stronger and that's worth a little pain. And trust me I'm feeling the pain right now.
Yesterday I ended up at the back of the line and the three pound weights were all taken. I had to use five pound weights for the first time and I didn't like that very much. It was my first time ever using five pound weights or dumbells of whatever they're called and excited wouldn't be my first choice of words to describe how I was feeling.
Now some people keeping tellling me, "Five pounds? That's nothing!"
Sure maybe for you it isn't anything but for me it is. I have weak arms. Ballet is helping me to strengthen my arms but it's a slow process.

I didn't die during class though for parts of it I thought I was going too. My teacher believes in as many reps as possible and my arms were killing me in no time. I've learned some parts of my arm and stronger than others. For example I had a really hard time laying on my back, dropping my arms straight out to the side and bringing them up to meet above me. That really really hurt. Other exercises didn't hurt as much but still I was relieved when class was over.

Today my back, shoulders and arms are really sore. The way I feel about it is completely up to me. I've decided I'm going to feel positive about it. Think of how much more strength I have the potential to build if I use the five pounds weights instead of the three pound weights? Obviously it didn't kill me or tear any muscles so I think that from now on I should committ to pushing my limits and use the five pound weights. When we use the weights while doing aerobics I'll still use the three pound weights but otherwise five pounds weights it will be. Attitude is everything.

I've noticed I'm always sore now. If it's not from aerobics/pilates/weights I'm pushing my arabeque height or the depth of my plie. At least I know I'm not slacking off! I remember how I felt back before I used to exercise like this. If I had PE I was in class but I hated it. I didn't put in very much effort and I didn't reap many benefits. But starting ballet did that for me. Even though it was only once a week after a year I noticed a difference. When I danced I felt better. The harder I worked, the better I felt. My body became more toned over that year and my flexibility improved drastically. People now tell me I'm flexible and I have to try to not laugh! I'm proof anyone can do it.

Sadly most people don't exercise. Did you know more people die of inactivity than people die of smoking? It's true, we live in a society where over 50% of people sit on there behinds all day. It's acceptable to be in poor health and the only one who calls you out on it is your doctor. We are so concerned with being poliet we allow the people we love to condemn themselves to an early death. Wow and your justification for not saying anything is because you care about their feelings. Corpses don't have feelings.

Okay people do you understand what I'm saying? Exercise isn't always fun but we have to do it! It doesn't matter if it's a walk around the neighborhood with your dog, a bike ride through the local park, a jog on the treadmill. a swim, an aerobics class, dancing around your kitchen or even kicking a soccor ball around your yard you need to get with it!
I promise promise promise it will make you feel so much better in the long run! I find that on days when I'm feeling crappy if I dance really hard I feel great the rest of the day. Why wait till New Years to make a resolution to exercise? Committ yourself to exercising once a week and work your way up. If you've ever had an injury/illness that would complicate your exercising program go see your doctor and find out what you can and can't do.

If you continue to live a life of inactivity you will pay for it. Don't get to the end of your life and think If I only....

Already exercise? You're amazing and I love you. Now I need to see about getting in line for a hot shower. My muscles hurt!

The Art of Procrastination

Right now I should be defending why slavery in colonial America was economic as opposed to racial. That's what I should be doing but really don't want to write another paper. After just turning in my Scarlet Letter essay and then spending the class period in the library researching Roger Williams for my reasearch paper, writing yet another paper is the least thing I want to do. I feel like all I ever do now in school is study for exams and write papers! Ahh junior year is so much work!!!
I know...I know. It's all prep for college. I know. Believe me, I know but that doesn't make me feel any better. I don't even want to think about how rough second semester is going to be. Teacher's assign projects like every other week. It stinks.

Progress reports are coming out on Wednesday so tomorrow my grades will be coming out. It's what six weeks grades into the school year? I would have figured they wouldn't come out until nine weeks but guess now is as good a time as ever. I just hate hearing teacher's say, "Progress reports will be coming out in x days/weeks." It's like I know already.
Why do they even send out progress reports? With eSis we can check our grades online and parents can pick up there own numbers and have a seperate account and see all our grades. Why stupid progress reports too? I'm not in 4th grade anymore.

grrr I'm starting to feel guilty about putting this paper off. It has to be finished by tomorrow so we can debate in class. This will be my first time formally debating so I don't know what to expect. I'm really nervous about it. I was supposed to start my rough draft an hour ago...actually I was supposed to start in on Sunday. What should have happened was I should have written my final Scarlet Letter essasy draft on Saturday and then this paper's predraft should have been done on Sunday. Then yesterday I should have typed up my rough draft and today I should be editing my final. Since I didn't type up my TSL essay until Sunday that shifted everything even more and I hardly did any homework last night.

Okay I'm giving in. I'll go write the stupid paper.

PE: Physical hEadache

I'm such a pig. Whenever I exercise I eat like none stop afterwards. I not only replace any colories I might have burned but I atleast double but probably triple it. Oiii

Aerobics is such hard work! It's a good thing I'm required to be there because I might not have lasted this long otherwise. My legs and arms are always sore now from weights or circuit training. Mostly the weights but some days when we have vigorous step areobics I get sore from that too. My favorite days are when we do pilates but they take a lot of core strenght. I'm excited to be stenghtening my core, gaining more flexibilty and strenghtening my whole body. It's cool that I've only been doing it for a month and already I see results.

Ballet is a whole different story. I started out on Mondays and Fridays at Jacquie Kunzman School of Ballet like usual with Jacquie as my teacher. On Mondays I took intermeidate 1B and on Fridays I took Intermediate 1A. Fridays class was a major help getting to review everything I'd forgotten from the basis levels and learning everything that I was supposed to know but had never been taught. I was trying to boost my confidence by dancing at the front of the barre so I wasn't watching anyone, and being near the front for center work. I still struggled alot in Intermediate 1B though. The centerwork was practically hopeless and I hated it. Sometimes I would mess up so bad Jacquie wouldn't even look at me.

Then last Monday Jacquie pulled the final straw. The previous Monday we had learned a Ronde de Jambe combination that we had struggled with. She wanted us to do it in our Thursday/Friday classes and then again on Monday. However when Jacquie's sister-in-law passed away she was out of town and had a substitute teach our Friday class. We did not practice it then.
I couldn't even rememeber I was supposed to remember a combination I was so busy that week studying for exams and writing a paper. So Monday rolls around, Jacquie's back and I'm in the front of the class. She instructs us to do the combination and I'm having faint memories of her telling us to remember a combination, clueless as to what we did in it. I could not remember a thing about to save my life. And so with that I died.
She looks at me and says, "You better remember it. " Gulp. "And no looking around the room. Do it for yourself."
I could make a really long list of excuses for why I couldn't do it. Why I tried to do it having NO idea what I was trying to do. Like, maybe the fact that I had just broken up with my boyfriend? Doesn't that give me like some pardon? Guess not.
She yelled at me so bad when it was finally over. Like not even yelling, like bitching. I can't remember a time in my life where I ever felt so stupid, useless and worthless. It was not fun. I almost starting crying. It was pretty sad.

I came home feeling I don't ever want to go back. I went to bed knowing things will be okay. I'll feel better in the morning. I didn't. As the day wore on I became increasinly worried. When were these despairing thoughts going to go away? I was terrified at the prospect of having to do this combination yet again on Friday. Finally I broke down to my mom about wanting to quit. She sided with me but encouraged me not to quit but to find another studio.

I had my first class today at Studio One. I'm in Ballet III for an hour on Mondays and Thursdays. The teaching is very...different. It's weird having been trained so strict for the past year to have such a flowing free feel during the class. She still corrected technique, hips out of place, body alignments etc... but she was laughing and having fun. Wow.
Since the class had been going already for five weeks everything went by kind of fast and I was lost during a great deal of it. But still at the end she said she felt this class was a good palce for me. We discussed that I was behind in Centerwork and she said I would probably struggle through it.
I remember Keith told me when I asked about taking the summer intensive that I would prbably 'struggle through it' but I could do it. Well I did struggle through it and look where I am now technique wise? If I hadn't taken that risk I would not be where I am now.
My Monday teacher, Diane, even complimented my technique! She was surprised to find I had been dancing for as short of time as I had. She said I was well traind. That was really cool.

Everything seems great about this class except for one thing: the floor is cement. crap. How do you get around that? I will not have knee problems as an adult. I'm not going to live my whole life suffering from all these physical injuries. I'll never be overweight and never cronically injured.
So how do you get around cement floors? I'm not sure. I think what I will do is dance here until Christmas and then make a decision. Probably I'll have to dance somewhere else. Maybe DanceVision or somewhere else? But I'm not going to make that decision now.

It's crazy trying to figure all this dance stuff out. But I think it will be worth it in the end. It better be anyways.