PE: Physical hEadache

I'm such a pig. Whenever I exercise I eat like none stop afterwards. I not only replace any colories I might have burned but I atleast double but probably triple it. Oiii

Aerobics is such hard work! It's a good thing I'm required to be there because I might not have lasted this long otherwise. My legs and arms are always sore now from weights or circuit training. Mostly the weights but some days when we have vigorous step areobics I get sore from that too. My favorite days are when we do pilates but they take a lot of core strenght. I'm excited to be stenghtening my core, gaining more flexibilty and strenghtening my whole body. It's cool that I've only been doing it for a month and already I see results.

Ballet is a whole different story. I started out on Mondays and Fridays at Jacquie Kunzman School of Ballet like usual with Jacquie as my teacher. On Mondays I took intermeidate 1B and on Fridays I took Intermediate 1A. Fridays class was a major help getting to review everything I'd forgotten from the basis levels and learning everything that I was supposed to know but had never been taught. I was trying to boost my confidence by dancing at the front of the barre so I wasn't watching anyone, and being near the front for center work. I still struggled alot in Intermediate 1B though. The centerwork was practically hopeless and I hated it. Sometimes I would mess up so bad Jacquie wouldn't even look at me.

Then last Monday Jacquie pulled the final straw. The previous Monday we had learned a Ronde de Jambe combination that we had struggled with. She wanted us to do it in our Thursday/Friday classes and then again on Monday. However when Jacquie's sister-in-law passed away she was out of town and had a substitute teach our Friday class. We did not practice it then.
I couldn't even rememeber I was supposed to remember a combination I was so busy that week studying for exams and writing a paper. So Monday rolls around, Jacquie's back and I'm in the front of the class. She instructs us to do the combination and I'm having faint memories of her telling us to remember a combination, clueless as to what we did in it. I could not remember a thing about to save my life. And so with that I died.
She looks at me and says, "You better remember it. " Gulp. "And no looking around the room. Do it for yourself."
I could make a really long list of excuses for why I couldn't do it. Why I tried to do it having NO idea what I was trying to do. Like, maybe the fact that I had just broken up with my boyfriend? Doesn't that give me like some pardon? Guess not.
She yelled at me so bad when it was finally over. Like not even yelling, like bitching. I can't remember a time in my life where I ever felt so stupid, useless and worthless. It was not fun. I almost starting crying. It was pretty sad.

I came home feeling I don't ever want to go back. I went to bed knowing things will be okay. I'll feel better in the morning. I didn't. As the day wore on I became increasinly worried. When were these despairing thoughts going to go away? I was terrified at the prospect of having to do this combination yet again on Friday. Finally I broke down to my mom about wanting to quit. She sided with me but encouraged me not to quit but to find another studio.

I had my first class today at Studio One. I'm in Ballet III for an hour on Mondays and Thursdays. The teaching is very...different. It's weird having been trained so strict for the past year to have such a flowing free feel during the class. She still corrected technique, hips out of place, body alignments etc... but she was laughing and having fun. Wow.
Since the class had been going already for five weeks everything went by kind of fast and I was lost during a great deal of it. But still at the end she said she felt this class was a good palce for me. We discussed that I was behind in Centerwork and she said I would probably struggle through it.
I remember Keith told me when I asked about taking the summer intensive that I would prbably 'struggle through it' but I could do it. Well I did struggle through it and look where I am now technique wise? If I hadn't taken that risk I would not be where I am now.
My Monday teacher, Diane, even complimented my technique! She was surprised to find I had been dancing for as short of time as I had. She said I was well traind. That was really cool.

Everything seems great about this class except for one thing: the floor is cement. crap. How do you get around that? I will not have knee problems as an adult. I'm not going to live my whole life suffering from all these physical injuries. I'll never be overweight and never cronically injured.
So how do you get around cement floors? I'm not sure. I think what I will do is dance here until Christmas and then make a decision. Probably I'll have to dance somewhere else. Maybe DanceVision or somewhere else? But I'm not going to make that decision now.

It's crazy trying to figure all this dance stuff out. But I think it will be worth it in the end. It better be anyways.