Still True

This is frightening to read. How true this is! It's slightly edited to fit the occasion but this is exactly how I feel.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I will never understand. There is a line that separates niceness and truthfulness. When our emotions get the better of us we cross that line. Once the line is crossed there's no turning back, no matter how badly you want too. The deadliest weapons are useless. Scars are left that never heal. And yet knowing this we cross the line anyway. Start out slow. Wade in until we are completely submerged.

Some people have no problem lying to your face. What hurts is when they mean it.

The aftertaste lingers.

And you never forget.

You could describe the tone of the voice. You could quote exactly what they said. It’s like trying to not to be sick. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Trust doesn't come easy. How many times do we experience learning our most intimate secrets revealed? So we close up and say nothing.

Antisocial.

Isn't there a saying about the risk of being hurt is worth it? They were wrong. There is nothing worse than betrayal.

Humiliation.

Tears.

Never will forget.

With trust there is a mutual feeling of safety. We don't think that this person would ever betray us. But they do.

Betrayal is not just in words or actions. It is passing judgment and siding against.

You trust or you don’t. If I don't I will say nothing. If I do I will say everything. It’s more than trust. Its understanding.

No pity.

No sympathy.

There are two ways of suffering. With people or without. Some people will do anything humanly possible for attention…telling jokes…suicide

I suffer alone.

Smile through everything. Doesn't matter how you feel. If you smile and laugh people think you're okay. No need to see any tears. No questions asked.

That is how I exist. It’s better that way.

I changed. I only lost myself. My secrets are no longer secrets. They have been flung open for everyone too stare at. I have been betrayed.

Never place honesty in the temporary. Never believe a liar.