Afraid for my Life

For the past week I have had a terrible cold. I kept waiting to find out it was really the flu but it never got that bad. To my dismay, Alex caught my cold, and recovered almost completely in two days. I'm still in bed, (up to 70% normal) bored out of my mind, and disappointed I won't be strong enough to go to hip hop tonight.

During my sickness I have seen dozens of people die on TV thanks to marathons of NCIS and Criminal Minds. I've decided fake crime shows are so much better than the real ones like 48 Hours and Cold Case. And also, what is up with the police on Cops? I don't care what anyone says, they are not that nice is real life.

I now have a list of things I never ever will do so that I can avoid a tormentingly painful, early death.

• Camping with the significant other in a right off the highway cabin campsite without checking the online reviews first. I think psychological torment resulting in death is a probably a 0 star rating, don't you think?
• Allowing a technician to remotely access my computer. It's quite possible they will not sever the connection and choose my death based on my perceived sins. For example, adultery ends with me being shredded to death by wild dogs. (A Jezebel reference I think?)
• Following a man who pretends to be a record producer who says I have a nice voice. (Isn't this a no brainer? Girls sure are stupid these days.)
• Having a resemblance to a serial killer's childhood nanny.
• Being so insignificant of a person that humanity won't miss me

It's sad to say, but I'm becoming even more paranoid than CSI Miami and NY have already made me. I can't handle being left alone at night anymore, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Even if I turn all the lights on and blast the TV, I still here the sound of footsteps.

I'm really starting to miss Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. Bring my medical dramas back!