I'm Not The Bad Guy

The food crisis had gotten so frightening that last night for dinner my mom served peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This morning, I took her to the store. The entire time she did complain about her great hatred of Oregon and the rain that soaked our clothes and groceries.

Over lunch she stared off into space as she pondered the fast that she is moving, and I am not.

Thomas, Autumn and Sarah cry frequently because of me. Everyone is upset because of me... because I'm tearing the family apart. Mom wants one more year together. She blames herself for loving back to Oregon the biggest mistake of her life.

No one ever considers my own sleepless nights. No one ever senses my doubt and uncertainty. I don't know if I'm making the right decision. All I know is I have to try. What's wrong with trying? It's not like millions of teenagers don't leave home to go off to college each year. I explain that's the truth. My mom refuses to believe it. She thinks I'm going to get married and never see her again.

I'm freaking 18 years old! Everyone is expecting me to show up with a big ring or announce a pregnancy and no, it's not happening. Sure, I like to think about the future, but I know better than most people that every time I plan ahead disaster strikes!

I just started college. I'm not going to dump that. I like my school. I like my friends. I like my boyfriend. That doesn't mean I don't love my family to death because of course I do. That doesn't mean I'm not terrified of facing daily life without them. It just means I'm tired of trading in everything so the family can be happy. This is America and we have an individualist culture. Americans are selfish...we want our own lives and our own happiness. I'm no different.

Why is this so wrong?