Need Something

I had a disturbing thought tonight. I have babysitting this week and next but what about the week after that? I will have nothing. I had nothing on Monday and it drove me crazy. I cannot handle so much downtime. I used to revel in it...but not anymore. I need to be active, I need to be tired, I need to be stressed and rushing around. I need that. When I don't have it...I think too much. I write and I dream and I cry. I don't want that all summer.

I miss ballet. We have a two week break...I start again on July 15. After technique is pointe! I'm so excited. I've had my shoes for a few weeks now and I want to dance in them so bad! It's killing me to leave them alone in the that little box on my end table....

The only exciting thing at home is mom saying she is going to get the house together...and she sounded determined. She tried to clean Autumn's room today. I no longer have to try to describe my frustrations to her. Oh no Autumn's room is a very detailed picture.

Sarah is driving all of us crazy. She cries nonstop. At my dad's insistence I went to be used for slave labor at the store with my mom last night. While I was bagging the groceries I observed the woman in front of me. She had a little girl, four months old, who was crying. I could tell by the expression of the mother that the baby had been crying for a long time. She looked exhusted, frustrated and I could see that every cry hit a nerve in the mother.

That cry was so soft compared to Sarah's screaming. I think that when your own kid cries it hurts you more than anyone else. I'm serious. It's like we're all more attuned to Sarah because she's our responsibility. Cause I remember her four month cry being way worse than this girl's cry.

grrrrrr


potty training sucks.