Car Accident

I don't believe in karma. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. You can do everything perfect and something can still mess you up. It just happens. You find out your spouse had an affair. You get laid off from your job of nine years. Your house forecloses. Your teenager gets pregnant. You get breast cancer. Your father has a heart attack. There was no way you saw it coming. It just happened and left you behind to pick up the pieces.

What I do believe in is irony. It isn't just a literary term, it's the monster of humerous regret. It's what propels me to laugh after I daydreamed of selling my car, saving up money and getting a small loan to buy another car and then while sitting at a stop light I watch a semi trruck polow into my windshield and crush the car door. It's the feeling in the back of my mind while I watch my car in the back of a tow truck leave me behind on the street corner while I play ring around the rosey with insurance companies and discover what it means to not have any collision insurance.

Ironically enough however, I cannot will myself to feel any great loss other than a growing resentment of the bus. I'm still not an optimist and am afraid of being blamed for an accident that wasn't my fault, but I do not fear what happens between now and my next car. Maybe that's growth on my part. I'm really not sure.