Dead Grandparents and Midterms

Last night I told Alex my house was a crisis. Well, I woke up this morning and it was.

Teary eyed mom broke the news that the doctor said Grammy wasn't doing well and he wasn't sure if she'd make it. She was really upset. Two days earlier my grandma had been fine. Yesterday, she wouldn't talk when my mom called her. Now, she was dying. The first thing I said was, "Get on a plane and go see her." Hey, it's what I would do.

Soon after I escaped the depressing house to see Alex, she passed away. I haven't see all of us cry since Dad lost his job.

It doesn't feel real to me. My dad was with her when she died, and he told me it didn't feel real to him either even though he was with her, telling her to keep breathing. He held the phone up to her ear so my mom could talk to her, but my grandma was completely unresponsive. I hope that somehow she did hear my mom.

I cry. I laugh. I procrastinate studying for the midterm. I dump my Halloween plans and start making calls to California trying to find people to party with. Come on, I'm 18 and I don't care if my grandma died, I want a party for Halloween. Have to throw out pumpkins with Breezy and that depresses me even more than the deadness. I was going to carve a fish. =( So funerals stink but you can't not go. They are like required unless you want to be permanently stuck in the grieving cycle.

Oh and I'm pulling on all-night. First official college all-nighter too. (Friday nights don't count.) Aren't you proud of me? Bring on the coffee.