Hello.Goodbye.I Love You. Does't Mean Anything

My mom came home yesterday. My grandma left. My dad is still here.

I've developed a pattern. Someone leaves temporaily. They call. I talk. When they go, hang up or call back I tell them I love them. I ask them questions, nod, respond with a yes or no. My voice is higher and more controlled.

But they are just motions. I really don't care, but I don't not care either.

There is something that differs between me and Autumn. When a parent leaves, Autumn misses them but I don't.

I think I just pretend to care because I emotionally take care of them. I remember my counsler discussing the possibility that I took care of my family more than I should...back in July. That wasn't something I was considering. No, I was just doing my share or a little extra knowing if I didn't do it it wouldn't get done. A little extra can't hurt right?

I'm getting to this point where I don't need my family emotionally. Being thirteen and fifteen I didn't want my family but know it's getting to the point where I don't need my family. At the same time, realizing how close I'm getting to being an adult, scares the hell out of me. That's a new feeling. Am I really ready for this?