Death Hurts

This week has been a nightmare. I'm ready to wake up and for everything to be better.

Little Caleb Joshua was born a few days ago. He was stillborn.

He's the son of our close family friend's. I would have been his babysitter.

It's funny I never ever thought that he wouldn't make it. The thought never entered into my mind. Not for one minute.

I was sleeping over at their house when my mom came and woke me up at about 2 in the morning. I let her in and we walked into the living room. She said someone was on their way to relieve me. Then she told me the baby didn't make it. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" I couldn't believe it.

Even now after the news has sank in it's too much. The funeral will be soon I guess. I haven't seen him yet. I won't ever get to hold him. My mom did and she said he was a beautiful baby.

I've never had anyone close to me die. Even though I never met him I waited nine months for his arrival. Euphonious we called him and debated whether he was a boy or girl and wagered his/her weight. No one thought this would happen.

I'm not sure how to handle it. Why couldn't I ever be sure of anything?